It only takes 8 clicks…

Posted on April 12, 2009
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | Leave a Comment

Apparently, it only takes 8 clicks on a stun gun to knock you out cold.

The other day I had a conversation at work with my boss and a consultant we work with about childhood adventurousness. (Spell check tells me that adventurousness IS a word) Bear in mind, they are both men. They began with typical childhood games increasing in dangerousness incrementally and had settled on inhaling helium from a tank because it’s better, (Why better? You ask. Because there’s MORE.) when all of a sudden…

Consultant: Did you know it takes 8 clicks on a stun gun to knock you unconcious?

Me & Boss: …?

Consultant: No really, we used to play with it. You get quite a buzz! (A-hyuk)

Boss: Are you SERIOUS?

Me: Wait! Wait! How did you determine that?

Consultant: Uhh….

Me: Is there like a warning on the label? In the event of self-use, 8 clicks and you WILL lose consciousness. Do not use in shower.

Consultant: Uhh….

Boss: *Choking on laughter*

Me: *Cracking up so hard I can barely talk* Can you imagine? I can see it now! Click. Nope. Click. Nope. Click. Nope. Click… yep, that did it.

Boss to me: THIS is the guy were counting on for the project.

I realize that boys are stupid in general and dangerous in little bursts but this was a bit excessive. The thing is… I want to test the theory… Any volunteers?

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Trust me… I am a licenced professional. But not really. I just like to think I am.

Posted on April 5, 2009
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone?, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | Leave a Comment

What is it about women that we believe we are all innately hairdressers disguised as lawyers, office workers, waitresses, and police women?

Standing in front of the home hair dye aisle at the store this weekend, I did the flip back and forth over blond or red, blond or red?

Blond. I decided because I am a hairdresser, rather adept at home dying, just that stupid.

So, home I go with a home bleaching kit, dye and toner.

4 hours later, my hair is an intriguing shade of banana yellow and tangerine orange. No amount of bleach or toner is ridding me of the reddish tones not to mention that the light colour washes me out completely anyway. So I do the walk of shame.

You know it, the mad dash from the car to the all night pharmacy with Coco the Clown hair tucked under a baseball cap because it is simply TOO embarrassing to be seen with banana hair and orange highlights (lowlights?)

I debate endlessly whether or not I want to bring the pharmacist in on my humiliation while I stand perusing the aisle once again. Now I don’t know if I choose the red colour I had originally contemplated, it will turn my hair red or pink, so I cave and ask the pharmacist. Who doesn’t know!

It’s not enough that I have to come clean to her; she goes and asks EVERYBODY ELSE in the store if they know what to do. Nobody does. So she looks it up online and comes back assuring me that as long as I go darker, it should be fine.

So I wind up buying the exact shade that I was looking at in the first place when I debated the red-blond issue.

I’m a red head. It looks OK but my hair feels like a horse’s mane for all the shit I put in it this weekend. Now I need a haircut really badly.

I wonder if I should go shoulder length or really short? Bet I could cut it myself….

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A Monk’s life

Posted on March 7, 2009
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Holidays, Breaking news, Photography - All about the photos Baby!, 365 | 3 Comments

Last weekend I decided, that rather than sit alone at home, bored stiff, while the other 5 units of my family spread off on their own adventures (or work), I would go on a day trip to New Norcia. It’s about 2 hours drive north of Perth and boasts a monastery town with a pretty amazing history.They offer walking tours with a guide twice a day so I timed my visit to catch the tour. I have to admit, the town has an impressive history and some pretty spectacular buildings, alters and paintings.

This was one of the 4 boarding schools in New Norcia. At the time, they were segregated. White girls, aboriginal girls, white boys, and aboriginal boys all run by nuns and monks.

Boarding school a la monk (by She'll Be Apples)

Apparently a artist was commissioned to make this piano with the little ivory that the monks had in their possession. Because there was such a scarcity of ivory at the time, there was not enough to make the traditional keys, so they are reversed. Ivory on the top instead.

Reverse Piano (by She'll Be Apples)

One of the many churches in New Norcia (St Gertrude’s I think)

Look up...waaaaaaaaaay up (by She'll Be Apples)

My favorite image… this alter and the ceiling mural were exquisite!

Drawing eyes towards the heavens (by She'll Be Apples)

Ironically, after flying 15000 km to live in Perth 5 years ago, it took a trip to New Norcia to meet another Canadian! A woman from Saskatchewan who also holds a pretty big interest in photography (as did her partner.) This commonality resounded with all of us and we spent most of the afternoon together having a drink and a laugh after the tour ended. As you can see in this next image of one of the boarding schools, the day was pretty much overcast and what looked to be a pretty decent storm was on the way!

Cross on high (by She'll Be Apples)

By the time 6:30 rolled around, I knew I should head back. With 2 hours driving ahead of me, I didn’t want to be caught in the storm or the dark really, with the road under quite a bit of construction (I.e. red gravel blocks off an on, slowing to 40km and then up to 110km.) As is turned out, the storm seemed to have preceded me, leaving tree branches, bushes and gum nuts all over the road making the drive just a smidgen longer as I avoided the debris and slowed over the gum nuts so as not to go flying off a cliff skating all over the road slam headfirst into a land train who did NOT feel the need to slow for the gumnuts.

I was almost home when I saw the sunset over the ocean. WOW! I couldn’t bear making the left turn towards home without stopping to get a shot of the technicolour sky! I convinced myself that abandoning my kids for 10 minutes more wouldn’t scar them for life (or at least not that badly) and headed to the beach.

The result.

The incredible technicolour sunset (by She'll Be Apples)

Sorry for the scars kids, but this ones a framer!

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Crazy fire, big hearted kids…

Posted on February 20, 2009
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Breaking news | 2 Comments

For those of you who live under a rock don’t watch the news much, Victoria has had a MASSIVE bush fire (several in fact) in the past few weeks that have decimated over 1800 homes and killed over 180 people. It is a crisis on a grand scale here in Australia and everywhere, heart are going out to those who have lost, well, everything.

The news has been filled with horror stories of fire moving at over 100km an hour trapping people in thier cars as they flee, entire neighbourhoods razed to the ground and the surviviors who now have nowhere to live, no money and the memories of those lost in the flames.

The other day,I had a conversation with connor that went like this:

Connor: “Can I have my Christmas money?” (50 dollars he gave to me for safe keeping)
Me:  “What for? Did you find something you want to buy? I thought you were saving it.”

Connor: ” I want to give it to the Bush Fire Rescue fund for the people who lost everything in the fire”

Me: “…” Choking up with emotion that my 13 year old has such compassion. “Of course you can have it. I’ll take you tomorrow to give it in.”

So, yesterday, we went over to the mall and made a$50.00 donation in Connor’s name. He has a receipt for taxes and everything…lol I was so proud,that I had to hide the embarrassing tears that came to my eyes (embarassing for him… not me.)

It is such a good feeling when your child does the right thing, simply because it is the right thing to do.

Well done, Connor!

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Damn you, Max Factor for not making crystal powder extra blinding

Posted on January 15, 2009
Filed Under Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | Leave a Comment

I’ll be starting with a bit of an explanation before diving into this post. This is called a preface.

 I am a bit of a obsessive collector connoisseur when it comes to makeup. I love all different kinds of eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, foundations, concealers, highlighters, blushers, bronzers, lip glosses, lipsticks, lip stains and I will try everything once. I also read a lot of beauty websites with tips and tricks to help you apply better, hide imperfections, clear skin etc…etc..

This morning, as I was washing my hands in the office bathroom, I noticed that I had some crows feet soft little lines around my eyes, (smile lines I guess, cause you only see them when I smile.) and my first thought was “I need to put a little reflective powder on to hide those.” The alternative is to keep my face perfectly still in the blandest expression of bordom which, if you know me, would be beyond impossible aside from death. Even then, I bet the undertaker would put some dumb-ass smile on my face, crinkling up those little lines and making me look ancient even in final repose. I wonder if you can request botox as part of your embalming process?? Just a touch around the eyes, Doc. Much appreciated.

So I started wondering where I had heard that whole “reflective powder” crap and why this so-called-expert thought it would work to hide fine lines?  The only thing I could think of is, you apply the reflective powder which hides inside those little lines until you smile and them BLAM! a cold ray of piercing light is directed into the eye of the beholder blinding them and forcing them to shield thier eyes with thier hands while they comment “Damn, you’re looking younger everyday, Chris! If I could look directly at you, you’d see how sincere I am, but it’s like looking into the sun. Oww, owww my eyeeeeeeeeeees!”And I would smile at such a lovely compliment sending shards of refracted light across the whole office causing mass chaos as my coworkers all fall of thier chairs and roll on the floor covering thier eyes from my blinding beauty.

“You look great today, Christina!”

“Wow, is that a new outfit?”

“Your skin just glows, Doll!”

“Somebody tell her about that dog that got it’s paw caught in a woodchipper, will ya?” Make her frown FFS!!!

So I went back to my desk and got some of my super-duper Japanese Max Factor Crystal face stuff that I can’t find anywhere else in the world, (not even on eBay) and dabbed a little on and waited to experience the full impact of my brilliance….

Damn. I gotta go buy a better reflective powder cause this one ain’t working.

 

P.S. No dog was harmed during the writing of this post and I’m pretty sure no dog has ever gotten a paw stuck in a woodchipper.

P.P.S. I can’t be sure of that, of course but I assume if would make big news cause WOW…sad.

P.P.P.S. Max Factor, please start making Crystal powder again.

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