Sometimes, Australia just sucks!

Posted on October 29, 2008
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity, They never should have let me be a mother |

I am a child at heart, (read: Immature) and my kids know it. My husband knows it too but he has denial down to fine art and can pretend that I am a perfectly normal, mature adult… most of the time.

Yesterday, Chelsea and I went shopping for her Halloween party this Friday. We needed Halloween decorations and costume necessities. She’s decided to be a geisha for the party which suits me just fine because I bought yukatas and obis in Japan earlier this year. Hooray for no big spending costs!! Now it’s just a question of getting the hair and makeup required. She totally took advantage of me!! Chelsea has developed a keen sense of ‘How to push Mum’s buttons and maker her do whatever you want by appealing to her immaturity.’ I got all super excited and got heaps of great decorations, ghouls, door hangers, table cloths, prizes and black hair dye for her costume.

I am totally living vicariously through my child. It’s kinda sad really, but there is no other option I tell you! Being Canadian, we love Halloween in all its creepiness and morbid pleasures. Trick or treating, haunted houses, parties and pubs that give przes to the best costume. Australians however, view it as predominantly an “American” holiday and view it with disdain at best. Trick or treating is considered the work of the devil rude and the whole thing is rather unexciting. This leaves us with the Halloween party as the only option to live out our bloody fantasies.

Last year was a crowning moment in my life as a mother. My child came to me and said, “I think I’ll go as ‘Little Dead Riding Hood’ this year.” Makes a mother proud, don’t it?

In any case, I am much lighter in the pocket and it’s not even my party. I want a party! Convincing Australians to come to an adult Halloween party is a painful and fruitless exercise. I’ve tried. It’s times like these that a quick 36-hour flight to Montreal looks really appealing. Worse than trying to convince them that it would be fun to cover yourself in blood and gore and rock the night away to the Monster Mash is trying to explain that it is NOT AMERICAN. They won’t believe you no matter what you say. I’ve never fully understood the intense dislike of anything deemed American but I’ve learned to qualify my accent with a quick “Canada.” whenever I feel the “What part of America are you from?” coming on. (Said with the utmost politeness but wrinkled nose like they have shit smeared on their upper lip which is replaced by relaxed relief once they realize you aren’t a yank. As if being separated by an invisible line somehow makes Canadians more acceptable.

In any case, I will spend this Halloween sitting at home, NOT listening to the doorbell ring every few minutes or children laughing and running from door to door chanting “TRICK OR TREAT!” NOT handing out lollies sure to rot the teeth from their skulls. NOT jumping out of a strategically placed pile of autumn leaves to scare the crap out of the teenagers too old to be trick or treating in the first place and NOT dancing the night away to the Monster Mash.

For those of you that can…..HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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Comments

4 Responses to “Sometimes, Australia just sucks!”

  1. Nicola on November 1st, 2008 2:31 am

    England’s like that too. Miserable so-and-so’s.

  2. Christina on November 1st, 2008 8:26 am

    Aren’t you glad to be back in Canada where Jake and Abby can enjoy Halloween to the fullest??

    What are thier costumes BTW. Any pictures?

  3. Nicola on November 4th, 2008 10:16 am

    No pics. I took them as a last minute thing, so I was completely unorganized. Stephen was working, I was all alone, and I just didn’t fancy juggling them both by my lonesome. But the mood of the day won me over and I quickly got Abby into her princess dress and Jake into the Dracula costume that he wore two years ago (!!). We visited about 10 houses and came back with a full bag. Good fun.

  4. Christina on November 4th, 2008 12:43 pm

    Well that’s something! LOL
    Can’t ignore Halloween completely… that would make you Australian!
    Hehe

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