Trust me… I am a licenced professional. But not really. I just like to think I am.

Posted on April 5, 2009
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone?, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity |

What is it about women that we believe we are all innately hairdressers disguised as lawyers, office workers, waitresses, and police women?

Standing in front of the home hair dye aisle at the store this weekend, I did the flip back and forth over blond or red, blond or red?

Blond. I decided because I am a hairdresser, rather adept at home dying, just that stupid.

So, home I go with a home bleaching kit, dye and toner.

4 hours later, my hair is an intriguing shade of banana yellow and tangerine orange. No amount of bleach or toner is ridding me of the reddish tones not to mention that the light colour washes me out completely anyway. So I do the walk of shame.

You know it, the mad dash from the car to the all night pharmacy with Coco the Clown hair tucked under a baseball cap because it is simply TOO embarrassing to be seen with banana hair and orange highlights (lowlights?)

I debate endlessly whether or not I want to bring the pharmacist in on my humiliation while I stand perusing the aisle once again. Now I don’t know if I choose the red colour I had originally contemplated, it will turn my hair red or pink, so I cave and ask the pharmacist. Who doesn’t know!

It’s not enough that I have to come clean to her; she goes and asks EVERYBODY ELSE in the store if they know what to do. Nobody does. So she looks it up online and comes back assuring me that as long as I go darker, it should be fine.

So I wind up buying the exact shade that I was looking at in the first place when I debated the red-blond issue.

I’m a red head. It looks OK but my hair feels like a horse’s mane for all the shit I put in it this weekend. Now I need a haircut really badly.

I wonder if I should go shoulder length or really short? Bet I could cut it myself….

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