My feet survived the night but my finger didn’t make it.

Posted on May 17, 2007
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone?, Stupidity and randomness | Leave a Comment

Whew! I was so worried I would wake up this morning to find that they had gone a-wandering while I was sleeping.
“Stuff this crap! We’re walking.”

“Yea, you see how she abuses us? We don’t have to stand for this! Let’s go!”

Maybe I’m delirious from the pain. Delayed reaction.

In any case, I have today off so no panicked wardrobe-tossing looking for a pair of shoes that might keep me comfortable and looking smart. In fact, I think I won’t be working again until next week, which is OK because I really should get some housework done. This, however might prove to be a bit of a problem. I can vacuum and mop (I love my floors clean and I’m a bit OCD about it) but anything that gets my hands wet won’t do.

You see, in my foot-pain induced haze last night, I tried to dry my brand new self sharpening kitchen knife (Mother’s Day present from the kiddos) with my left hand. I am not ambidextrous. The knife sliced through the tea towel and right into my unsuspecting index finger.

It hurt.

Chelsea, who was standing right there when it happened had this look of sheer panic on her face and all the colour dropped to her feet. So I, being a caring mother and not wanting to upset my child, laughed it off as I immediately applied pressure and ran cold water over it suppressing the urge to cry. Connor, my dear, loving little boy was more interested if there is blood on the knife. Boys!

After a few minutes, I’ve realized that it’s still really bleeding every time I remove pressure so I get a paper towel and wrap it tightly and go to find Brian, who is outside with his brother Colin. I’ve collected myself by this time and casually mention that I’ve practically severed a digit and would you mind, Darling, chopping the onion so I can get dinner on?

Brian takes a look at the damage and clucks his tongue at me like a grandma “What did you do that for?”

Like I planned it.

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Cesar Millan’s weight loss program

Posted on May 4, 2007
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone? | Leave a Comment

For those of you who have been living under a rock, Cesar Millan is “The Dog Whisperer.” I love this guy! He’s got a great attitude about dogs and people and can typically peg the problems in each species in short order.

His philosophy is that dogs need three things;

Exercise
Discipline
Affection

…in that order. I watch his show pretty regularly now that I have a 10 month old puppy. He’s got great tips on teaching good behaviour and correcting bad behaviour but the thing that gets me is that the segment almost always ends with, “Cesar recommends a 45 minute walk every day to curb  - insert dog’s name here- energy and teach them who is ‘pack leader’”

Do you know how far a 45 minute walk is??? I do. It’s about 5 kilometres for me. The way I see it, is if I take Tomi for a 45 minute walk daily and change absolutely nothing else about my lifestyle, I’m bound to drop a few pounds!

So not only is Cesar the dog whisperer, he’s also the “Slightly overweight but Pretending not to Care Dog Owner Whisperer.”

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Knitting. Not the most common Australian pastime.

Posted on April 29, 2007
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone? | 4 Comments

I have started knitting.

I’m 32.

For some reason these two facts don’t go well together. At least, in my mind. I always thought of knitting as a “Nana” activity. Probably because it’s something that my Nana does and no one else!

In any case, I saw an advert on television a while back. Teach yourself to knit with this handy-dandy magazine that teaches you all of the different stitches etc… by knitting a blanket one square at a time. I was looking for something to occupy a bit of time as I’ve gone off reading for the moment.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I go through phases of reading ravenously and then not wanting to look at a book for a while. I used to crochet (I know, I know! Also a “nana-ish” activity but because she started it, and all I did was continue to go in circles until I had a blanket, I didn’t think of it that way.)

Back to the ad. So I think, ‘Hey great! I’ll do that to keep busy and when I’m done I’ll have this rockin’ blanket!’

I went down to the local news agency and signed up. “I’ll take Volume One now and sign me up for the rest!”

I’m a sucker…I know. The thing is, I really enjoy it! So far I have done 4 of the squares for the blanket and they aren’t half bad (if I do say so myself.) The thing is, one little 15cm square is hardly enough to keep you busy for a whole week so, you move on to the other items in the magazine.

I have knitted 3 scarves to date (cause I’m good at scarves…LOL) and am starting on a hat and a basket this week. With any luck, I might get to wear the scarves.

This IS Australia.

If not, I think I know what my mum and sister are getting for Christmas. (They live Canada.)
A box full of scarves! ;)

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My dog won’t let me blog

Posted on April 25, 2007
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone? | 3 Comments

I’ve been sitting here trying to write this blog for some time now but every time I look at the computer screen, my puppy “talks” to me. (For those unfamiliar with this blog talk = whine)

He jumps up and rests his head on the arm of the chair and looks at me with those big soulful eyes.

“What?” I say.

He of course doesn’t respond. If he did I might be worried. He just looks at me, happy to be the center of attention. So I go back to typing. Whimper.

“Whaaaat? What do you want?”

Nothing.

Type, type, type… Whimper.

Now he has his rope in his mouth. Ah ha! I understand the “talking.” It’s play time. Basically the whimper means “Play with meeeeeeeeeee.” and I’m not going to get anything done until I spend some quality time with the puppy. Off I go to entertain the dog.

.

.

.

.

I’m back. I’m pooped, he’s pooped and sleeping next to me on his new bed (I did eventually make it to Kmart.)

You know, one of my friends is often having to drop things because she has two little kids, a three year old and an infant. That I can understand. I never thought having a puppy would put me in the same circumstances. “No, I don’t breast feed, I play tug-a-war with a lapdog.”

Sheeeeeeesh!

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The Best 15 bucks I ever spent…

Posted on April 24, 2007
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Irony Anyone?, Stupidity and randomness | 1 Comment

…was on a little bone dog tag that has Tomi’s name and my mobile number engraved in it. You see, this weekend the little escape artist ran away…twice.

The first time, Saturday, the screen door mustn’t have latched properly when I drove Chloe to a friends house. We were not even there yet when my phone rang. It was Brian.
“Do you have the dog?”
“No, what do you mean do I have the dog?”
“He’s not here.”
“Crap”

So, after dropping Chloe off I rush back home, forgoing my trip to Kmart for (ironically) a dog bed. A few blocks away from the house the phone rings again. It’s some strange lady.

“Hello?”
“Yes?”
“I think your dog followed me home.” (She thinks he followed her home? Isn’t she sure?)
“Oh, thank goodness! Where do you live?”
“I’m at *an address a few blocks away*”
“I’ll be right there.”

So off I go, after all it’s only a minute away. Parking outside her house I can hear Tomi talking. He’s a very vocal dog and often whines just get your attention. We call it talking (can you tell we are dog people?) So I’m sure I have the right place.

Once inside I find him playing with a Jack Russle Terrier and having a grand old time. I thank the lady profusely and head home where I find Brian, Jamie, Chelsea and Connor all out searching for the dog. I should have called but I was literally a minute away!

Chelsea is almost in tears, Connor is panicked, Jamie determined and Brian annoyed. They are all relieved the see Tomi in the back of my car.

Whew! Close call. Tomi is pretty stupid about cars and our biggest worry isn’t that he’ll get lost but that he’ll get hit. We make a point of stressing the need to PULL THE DOOR CLOSED behind you.
Roll on Sunday.

Jamie is standing in the doorway holding the screen door open with his body. *Sigh* Tomi makes a break for it and takes off with Jamie close behind, chasing him to the strains of Brian hollering “YOU IDIOT!”

This time, miraculously, Tomi listens when Jamie yells “Tomi, SIT!” for the umpteenth time and sits patiently on the footpath waiting for Jamie to collect him.

I’m seriously debating a zapping tool to keep him in…or to train the kids to keep the damn door closed!

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