Damn you, Max Factor for not making crystal powder extra blinding

Posted on January 15, 2009
Filed Under Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | Leave a Comment

I’ll be starting with a bit of an explanation before diving into this post. This is called a preface.

 I am a bit of a obsessive collector connoisseur when it comes to makeup. I love all different kinds of eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, foundations, concealers, highlighters, blushers, bronzers, lip glosses, lipsticks, lip stains and I will try everything once. I also read a lot of beauty websites with tips and tricks to help you apply better, hide imperfections, clear skin etc…etc..

This morning, as I was washing my hands in the office bathroom, I noticed that I had some crows feet soft little lines around my eyes, (smile lines I guess, cause you only see them when I smile.) and my first thought was “I need to put a little reflective powder on to hide those.” The alternative is to keep my face perfectly still in the blandest expression of bordom which, if you know me, would be beyond impossible aside from death. Even then, I bet the undertaker would put some dumb-ass smile on my face, crinkling up those little lines and making me look ancient even in final repose. I wonder if you can request botox as part of your embalming process?? Just a touch around the eyes, Doc. Much appreciated.

So I started wondering where I had heard that whole “reflective powder” crap and why this so-called-expert thought it would work to hide fine lines?  The only thing I could think of is, you apply the reflective powder which hides inside those little lines until you smile and them BLAM! a cold ray of piercing light is directed into the eye of the beholder blinding them and forcing them to shield thier eyes with thier hands while they comment “Damn, you’re looking younger everyday, Chris! If I could look directly at you, you’d see how sincere I am, but it’s like looking into the sun. Oww, owww my eyeeeeeeeeeees!”And I would smile at such a lovely compliment sending shards of refracted light across the whole office causing mass chaos as my coworkers all fall of thier chairs and roll on the floor covering thier eyes from my blinding beauty.

“You look great today, Christina!”

“Wow, is that a new outfit?”

“Your skin just glows, Doll!”

“Somebody tell her about that dog that got it’s paw caught in a woodchipper, will ya?” Make her frown FFS!!!

So I went back to my desk and got some of my super-duper Japanese Max Factor Crystal face stuff that I can’t find anywhere else in the world, (not even on eBay) and dabbed a little on and waited to experience the full impact of my brilliance….

Damn. I gotta go buy a better reflective powder cause this one ain’t working.

 

P.S. No dog was harmed during the writing of this post and I’m pretty sure no dog has ever gotten a paw stuck in a woodchipper.

P.P.S. I can’t be sure of that, of course but I assume if would make big news cause WOW…sad.

P.P.P.S. Max Factor, please start making Crystal powder again.

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New addition to She’ll Be Apples

Posted on December 3, 2008
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity, Things that give me inspiration, Photography - All about the photos Baby! | Leave a Comment

Just in case you hadn’t noticed, (I know it’s a small thing, don’t complain that I expect miracles) I’ve added a new section to the main menu.

Look up… way up… there it is! Right next to the disclosure policy. 365

One day a while back I was trolling surfing the net and I found a blog with the same category. It was a challenge. Take one picture a day (not just one, but at least one) for a year and post it as a record.

It might not sound too difficult but it’s meant to challenge your imagination as a photographer. Nobody wants 365 pictures of thier dog on display so you need to use that imagination and creativity to think of something interesting to post each day. Different perspectives, composition, lighting and subjects are supposed to give you some insight into what you truly enjoy photgraphing and hone your skills as a photographer.

I’ve decided to take on the challenge and began my 365 journey on December first 2008. I figured at the very least, I’d get through the Christmas season! I might not be able to post them daily (I might to do a weeks worth in once shot) but I will take at least one picture a day and post it to that day.

Please feel free to have a look and comment on them as you do here. Tell me if you like it, hate it or if it’s just.. meh for you. Any feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Wish me luck!

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Yep, I’m a slacker

Posted on October 28, 2008
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Stupidity and randomness, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | 4 Comments

I’ve noticed recently that the number of blogs I follow pretty regularly has grown. There is an amazing amount of talented writers out there who make me crack up, shake my fist or sympathize on cue and I have been extremely lax in passing on the joy.

I’m in the midst of doing a major overhawl of my blogroll for this very purpose but please be patient it will take time cause I’m lazy and sorta un-motivated a lot because I do have a job and kids and pets and husbands and all manner of other time consuming things y’know!

For those interested, my top 10 favorie blogs of the moment are (in no particular order)

Wow, I got to ten. Guess I wasn’t so lazy busy after all!

If you get a chance, check ‘em out. It’s well worth it IMO.

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I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to smart people.

Posted on October 27, 2008
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, A "How-to" tutorial of insanity | 2 Comments

Ok, I am now officially terrified.

I hate clichés. I use them only dripping with sarcasm or for comedic effect but today I say in all seriousness…

It’s a small world.  I’ve just realized the effect of global miniaturization, and it’s got me into a whack of trouble that makes my stomach want to find out how my toes are feeling today.  

I will start at the beginning, which makes sense because it would be seriously boring and confusing to start anywhere else and I’m really not into that whole Memento segmented reverse story-telling.

A few months ago I changed jobs and wound up working on a project that included the services of a consultant who comes once a week to torture work with me on the development of the software we are implementing. Let’s call him M.

After several weeks and many conversations, we learned that M’s daughter attends day care with a very good friend of ours, C.

One day a few weeks ago, I went to visit C and bumped into M’s wife, E as she was picking up their daughter. “Lovely lady,” I thought.

Murphy (as in Murphy’s Law – who runs my life with an iron fist) thought “I’ll show you for daring to meet new people!”

I get a phone message from E last week. No explanation, just “Please, call me back.” I did and got the machine… urgh! I’m lame at the best of time but answering machines reduce my IQ to that of a house plant.

I thought perhaps that E wanted ideas for C’s birthday and when I didn’t hear from her the rest of the weekend, figured she didn’t need me anymore.

I was wrong.

She did need me.

…and this brings me back to abject terror.

Side note** I did do sort of a loop in this story didn’t I? So much for starting at the beginning. Memento, eat my dust! **

Today I get another phone call from E. Apparently, she’s a member of the Society of Editors WA and while talking to C one day, found out that I blog and have been blogging for a number of years.

It just so happened that her society is having a meeting next week about blogging and would I mind giving a 20 MINUTE SPEECH on getting drunk and wetting my pants blogging?

Now I, by no means, consider myself an expert on the topic but I have had 10 or so years experience blogging (Yep, even before they had blogging software and websites.) I started with my own web space, creating a “News” page to keep family and friends apprised of the goings-on of our family, then moved to numerous different programs and hosted websites and finally came to rest here at She’ll Be Apples. I’ve even dabbled in paid blogging although that didn’t last long after Google wiped all paid blogs from the blogosphere.

This still doesn’t give me rights to pretend that I know what I’m talking about, hey?

Well I’m going to anyway!! I’ve been taking a course in training and assessment and I need to prepare an hours presentation for that so this should be a snap, right? Nothing like doing humiliation twice.  I may take to hiding in the bathroom with a bottle of vodka snuck in under my hat. That’d loosen my tongue. If I do, I promise I’ll totally take pictures… It could happen!

On the bright side, if I am a complete and utter ass, E is to blame.

After all, she picked me.  Fair warning, E…     

 

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Chelsea in the flowers

Posted on October 13, 2008
Filed Under Australia - The land down under, Breaking news, Tools of the trade - Are you sure I'm qualified?, Things that give me inspiration, Photography - All about the photos Baby! | 1 Comment

 

Chelsea in the flowers, originally uploaded by She’ll Be Apples.

Yesterday, we headed out to King’s Park for a wander to enjoy the sunshine and the spring flowers.
I borught my camera with me (as I usually do now, whenever we go anywhere that I might find interesting) and I caught Chelsea off guard.

She may look like she’s smiling for the camera but in fact, she’s smiling at something Brian had just said and happened to look my way at just the right moment.

Beautiful, isn’t she?

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